Yes, I am totally up to speed on the Christmas Story, I know the story of the prophecy of the coming Messiah and the virgin birth in the humblest of surroundings. But I have been thinking about the message we really need to be sending out during the holiday time. I think we all understand the symbolism of the gifts we give and receive and how that relates to the gift of the Christ child who would later provide a means to redeem a fallen mankind. Isn't this a story of mercy?
Mercy, that is something I struggle to integrate into my life. I carry around some abandonment issues, so disloyalty is one of those things that I have difficult time forgiving. So granting mercy to those that I believe have wronged me is difficult.
What exactly is mercy?
I had a friend from college call me on the phone a year and a half ago and say, "Rutt, your old girlfriend is really sick, I see her name on the prayer list at my church, I have an email address, you should shoot her a note." I stammered a little bit, I was a little taken aback. The circumstances surrounding the end of our relationship were very painful for me. I remember thinking in high school that breaking up with some girl was harder than getting dumped on. I was wrong! When my turn came around for a grown up version of a broken heart, I thought I had been hit by a bus, shot, beaten and kicked all in the same instant. I remember that it wasn't the kind of pain that you could "walk off" in a couple of hours or days. I limped around for months and lost about 30 pounds, and at that time, I really couldn't spare 30 pounds. Oh, how times change. Fast forward 30 years and here I am, confronted with a dilemma, do I make contact with this girl that had hurt me deeply 30 years prior or do I just let it slide?
I sent her an email asking about her illness and letting her know that I would add her to my "Yellow Sticky Note Prayer List". I got back a quick response with a telephone number and an invitation to call her. She stated that she couldn't type as fast as she could talk and that she wanted to catch up. I will never forget receiving that email on my blackberry, Kaden was pitching in a Jr. Varsity Baseball game and had pitched 5 scoreless innings and had two extra base hits, it was a good day. I called her and she was also sitting at her son's baseball game. So we talked baseball for a few minutes and then she explained to me the horror of Ovarian Cancer and that she was beginning an experimental drug protocol. She was excited by the possibilities. That was in early March and we traded emails a few times over the next couple of months and I honored my commitment to pray for her. An email I sent in late June went unanswered and when I called in early July to see what was going on, She said she had been in and out of the hospital and that she had abandoned the new drug therapy and had returned home with Hospice.
Then came one of those moments when you say something that you would normally say in a situation like that and you have no idea what it is going to take to back it up. I said, " Is there anything I can do for you?" Her response was "I would really like for you to come see me!" Now I am not a total dumb ass, I knew she was dying but the reality of it was not getting to my heart. I gave an awkward, "Sure, I can do that," knowing that it might be a little uncomfortable meeting her husband in such a circumstance. Then came the staggering blow, "If you are going to come, you need to come in the next two weeks."
I had a long talk with Deanna about the situation and asked her to go with me, she declined and said, "She has something she wants to work out with you, this is something you need to do and you need to go now." Kaden was scheduled to compete at a big horse show in Fort Worth the next weekend, so I loaded my horses and gear after work, drove 5 Hours to Jacksboro, Texas and kicked my horses out at a friend's place. I then drove on to Dallas, got into a hotel room around 2:00am, slept a few hours and caught a plane to Tulsa at 8:30am. Her husband picked me up at the airport and took me to their home. This girl was an athlete, she was a tennis player, a basketball player and a softball player. After college she had been a triathlete. The disease had turned her into a bag of bones, it was a visual shock.
I spent the entire day with her, we laughed, looked at old pictures, talked about our families and we talked about dying and living. She said that she was sorry for hurting me. She wanted to clear the book on us before she moved on. I told her we were square as far as I was concerned and she had no reason to think that I had any ill will toward her at all. Quite the contrary, while there was no romantic love between us, I still loved her and that after she passed on I would carry some very fond memories of our time together in school. She died a few days later.
When I think about her now, I think about how a man learns something about mercy.
The message for the holiday season; mercy came to us in the form of a baby, who grew up to be a man, who could bear the weight of all of mankind's transgressions upon his blameless soul.
Mercy, that is something I struggle to integrate into my life. I carry around some abandonment issues, so disloyalty is one of those things that I have difficult time forgiving. So granting mercy to those that I believe have wronged me is difficult.
What exactly is mercy?
I had a friend from college call me on the phone a year and a half ago and say, "Rutt, your old girlfriend is really sick, I see her name on the prayer list at my church, I have an email address, you should shoot her a note." I stammered a little bit, I was a little taken aback. The circumstances surrounding the end of our relationship were very painful for me. I remember thinking in high school that breaking up with some girl was harder than getting dumped on. I was wrong! When my turn came around for a grown up version of a broken heart, I thought I had been hit by a bus, shot, beaten and kicked all in the same instant. I remember that it wasn't the kind of pain that you could "walk off" in a couple of hours or days. I limped around for months and lost about 30 pounds, and at that time, I really couldn't spare 30 pounds. Oh, how times change. Fast forward 30 years and here I am, confronted with a dilemma, do I make contact with this girl that had hurt me deeply 30 years prior or do I just let it slide?
I sent her an email asking about her illness and letting her know that I would add her to my "Yellow Sticky Note Prayer List". I got back a quick response with a telephone number and an invitation to call her. She stated that she couldn't type as fast as she could talk and that she wanted to catch up. I will never forget receiving that email on my blackberry, Kaden was pitching in a Jr. Varsity Baseball game and had pitched 5 scoreless innings and had two extra base hits, it was a good day. I called her and she was also sitting at her son's baseball game. So we talked baseball for a few minutes and then she explained to me the horror of Ovarian Cancer and that she was beginning an experimental drug protocol. She was excited by the possibilities. That was in early March and we traded emails a few times over the next couple of months and I honored my commitment to pray for her. An email I sent in late June went unanswered and when I called in early July to see what was going on, She said she had been in and out of the hospital and that she had abandoned the new drug therapy and had returned home with Hospice.
Then came one of those moments when you say something that you would normally say in a situation like that and you have no idea what it is going to take to back it up. I said, " Is there anything I can do for you?" Her response was "I would really like for you to come see me!" Now I am not a total dumb ass, I knew she was dying but the reality of it was not getting to my heart. I gave an awkward, "Sure, I can do that," knowing that it might be a little uncomfortable meeting her husband in such a circumstance. Then came the staggering blow, "If you are going to come, you need to come in the next two weeks."
I had a long talk with Deanna about the situation and asked her to go with me, she declined and said, "She has something she wants to work out with you, this is something you need to do and you need to go now." Kaden was scheduled to compete at a big horse show in Fort Worth the next weekend, so I loaded my horses and gear after work, drove 5 Hours to Jacksboro, Texas and kicked my horses out at a friend's place. I then drove on to Dallas, got into a hotel room around 2:00am, slept a few hours and caught a plane to Tulsa at 8:30am. Her husband picked me up at the airport and took me to their home. This girl was an athlete, she was a tennis player, a basketball player and a softball player. After college she had been a triathlete. The disease had turned her into a bag of bones, it was a visual shock.
I spent the entire day with her, we laughed, looked at old pictures, talked about our families and we talked about dying and living. She said that she was sorry for hurting me. She wanted to clear the book on us before she moved on. I told her we were square as far as I was concerned and she had no reason to think that I had any ill will toward her at all. Quite the contrary, while there was no romantic love between us, I still loved her and that after she passed on I would carry some very fond memories of our time together in school. She died a few days later.
When I think about her now, I think about how a man learns something about mercy.
The message for the holiday season; mercy came to us in the form of a baby, who grew up to be a man, who could bear the weight of all of mankind's transgressions upon his blameless soul.
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