Pharmaceutical Vengeance

I went to college with a sociopath. I had no idea what the word meant until years later, but there is no doubt in my mind that this would be the professional diagnosis.

Kav was from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, the son of a mafia lawyer and the grandson of one of the Louisiana State Troopers that served as a personal body guard to Huey P. Long. He was about five foot five inches tall and built like a roman gladiator. He was a body builder, and his obsession with the food he ate was an interesting irony considering he smoked dope, drank whiskey and injected himself with anabolic steroids that he purchased from a crooked veterinarian. In the three years that I lived on the same dorm wing with him, I never saw him do anything but act. He didn't have an ounce of sincerity in that behemoth muscle clad body. If Kav had a scruple of any kind, I never saw any manifestation of it.

At a place like Oral Roberts University, Kav was a wolf living in a sheep filled sea of naivety. I was on to him the instant I met him. I was as amazed by the number of my peers that were taken in by him as I was by the shear boldness and arrogance of his method. This was the proverbial "steal your hat and then help you look for it " character. He bragged about charging his buddies $20 to let them hide in his younger sister's closet so they could watch her undress. I have to say that I am disgusted by the fact that I write of it here, but you must get a full picture of this human maggot lest you feel some pity for him as I tell you the point of this story.

Now why would a person like this go to a place like Oral Roberts University? Three years of tuition at LSU and only six credits, all of them P.E credits. Kav's dad wanted him to go to LSU law school, but with no progress academically, he searched out the place where he thought Kav would be isolated from all the temptations. NOT!!

My senior year, Kav roomed with a close friend of mine (Wood) because of a last minute change in housing policy. Kav was excited by the potential legitimacy he would gain from his newfound association with Wood. On the other hand, Wood was fully aware of Kav's full time manifestation of almost every neuroses described in the "Abnormal Psychology" textbook. Wood gave Kav this one stern warning before he moved in, "you may lie, cheat and steal from everyone around here, but if you do it to me, I will never say a thing to you, just know that I will make you miserable beyond your wildest imagination. You will never know that I am behind it". Kav responded with, "Um Bro, I can't believe your coming at me with this super negative vibe, Dude I'm your roomie, I'll always have your back".

Obviously it was only a matter of time before Kav transgressed in the eyes of his room mate, We both knew he would, Kav knew it too, he just couldn't help himself. It was not in him to even try otherwise.

Wood was a few years older than the rest of us and we considered him a "retread" since he had already earned a degree from some small school in Arkansas. He was now a pre-med major, his goal was to attend medical school. It was Wood's more than casual interest in pharmacology that resulted in Kav's "payback of misery".

In that Kav ingested about 25 different vitamin pills each day, he was the perfect mark for what Wood had planned. Kav kept his vitamins in the kind of daily pill box used by senior citizens to keep their daily medications straight. This thing was as big as any tackle box a pro bass fisherman would carry. One of Kav's daily supplements was desiccated liver, which Wood replaced with a prescription laxative. So here is Kav, working out twice a day, taking this prescription laxative twice a day and eating like a field hand every chance he could.

So I run into Kav early one morning three days after Wood introduced his new drug protocol and he looks a little drawn. Kav looks at me and says, " Dude, I'm coming undone from the inside out. I have the runs so bad and my ass is so sore now, I'm just kinda dabbing back there." In that I was a little worried about the dehydration possibility, I cornered Wood the next day and asked him to ease up on the medication lest he do some real harm to Kav. Wood simply stated, "I guess it is time to change the prescription". I ran into Kav a couple of days later and asked how he was doing and he said that whatever the bug was that had plagued him for a week, it was gone now and he felt good. Unbeknownst to me, Wood had substituted another of Kav's supplements with a prescription drug that is normally prescribed for people suffering from Montazuma's Revenge, In this case it was "Wood's Revenge". The drug was Lomotil. It puts your bowels to sleep.

So here is Kav, working out 6 hours a day, taking two lomotil a day and eating like a field hand. Four days later I see Kav in the community rest room and he looks like a classic equine colic case. He has sweat pouring off of his face and he looks at me and says, " I think I am about to explode, I need to take a dump and I can't. Its like my my insides have quit working. One week I can't stop, the next week I can't start. I guess I got a bad batch of roids from the horse doctor." I went straight to Wood and asked him to ease up on Kav before he really messed him up.

His only words were "vengeance is mine sayeth the Wood"